Not sure what to do, 1 son wanting to HE and 1 son not.

CJ 71

Member
Hi all.

We were going to de register our boys at the end of last term but after a couple of wks of one of my sons being unsure we decided to leave it and have a re-think about what we can do.

I am lacking in confidence and we havent received very positive reaction to waiting to HE (my mum burst out laughing and said I had to be joking and no it was an awful idea :-( )
The main thing driving me on to do this was my boys positive attitude to HE. Now though (well over the passed 2 wks or so) one of my sons has decided he definitely wants to stay at school, he does seem happier and this week (and the whole of the last wk before they broke up) he has been coming home with stickers and telling me that he was being very good and the teachers and head were very proud of him which is lovely.

He was my main reason for HE because he lacks concentration and finds it hard to sit still and do his work, they have him at school for 6 hrs a day but he seems to be going backwards, writing and reading is worse then when he was in reception :confused:. I have been working with him and his brother everyday and at wkends to help him get back on track and maybe thats why hes happier now :confused:.

I just dont know what to do now, I dont want to take him out and for him to be unhappy that I've done it. Also his brother (their twins) still wants to be HE, I've spoken to him a few times this wk and he's saying he doesn't like going to school but he's fine when he gets there, I know if I said that to the teacher they would say he's happy at school.

Does anyone else have a child in a school and then have a child at home HE'ing? Its a bit unusual I guess as they are in the same school and yr group so its not like we can just cut ourselves of from the school as I would have to take my DS to pick up the other Ds and it might make this awkward.

I'm so confused, it was so much easier when they both wanted to leave and were really positive about HE.

Any advice or experience of this would be greatly recieved.
Chrissy
 
Hi Chrissy
One of the key things is to meet more home educators - there are so much misunderstanding and misinformation about home ed (and learning generally) that it can be really important to have supportive people around you. It is so far outside most people's experience that often they find it hard to get to grips with!

I have a friend who successfully mixes home ed and school. Though there is a bigger age gap. It does involve being organised though and you sometimes have to cut short groups etc to be home in time the pick up after school.
I do have another friend though who tried it for a while, but got fed up with being tied to the school day - the other child is happily home ed now.

You will always have the options of taking your son out of school if he changes his mind. Maybe it doesn't seem entirely real to him and when he sees what the rest of you are up to he will want to home ed too?

Is it worth trying to find out what he really wants? Why does he want to stay at school - is he nervous about home ed? Is he afraid that he will not see his friends again or often enough? Or is there some other reason.

Katherine
 

CJ 71

Member
Hello, thank you for taking the time to reply, I'm really confused as to what to do for the best and not having the support my end makes things really hard.
I think because he's really enjoying school and doesn't want to leave means that really if i take him out its for my interests maybe not his :confused:
With this extra HE Im doing at home everyday he is improving so this could be why he's enjoying school more, hes understanding this better. I have asked him and he says he wants to stay/ likes school because he has made new friends now but he had friends before. Maybe his new choice of friends has helped his behaviour too as I know his "other" group of friends were often in trouble at play times (along with him) not all the time but they can be a bit rough in the play ground and they all found it hard to concentrate in class when together which is why my son was put in a different class.

I think because before he wanted to HE and his behaviour and work were suffering I felt I had good reason to do it and the fact I have no support with my decision and felt worried that I might not meet their needs and didn't feel confident was over ridden by the thoughts that he would progress better because he would have 1 to 2 with me. As in he would do better at home with me even though I'm not a teacher or lack some skills because I could teacher him 1 to 2 and his would get getting a better quality of education as he would have all my attention. Hope that makes sense.

My other son is doing very well at school with his education (also being topped up at home everyday) he just says he doesnt like school but still goes happily, he doesnt get upset. My husband now doesnt think they do not need to be HE'ed so there not support there either.

Lots of thinking to do.
 

Sheila Struthers

Well-known member
Hi Chrissy :)

You are not making any irreversible decisions here - the schools aren't going anywhere and HE is always an option.

My son always knew that school was not compulsory. He took quite a long time to decide to leave, and quite frankly, we expected him to go back because he absolutely loved playtime and lunchtime. It didn't happen though :nod:
 

CJ 71

Member
Thanks Sheila, the problem is I would never send them back to the same school their in now, it's not an awful school most parents seem to really like it but I find they do not listen to the parents. Also most of the parents are happy to drop their children of at 8.50 am and pick up them up at 3.15pm and let teachers just get on with it and never ask questions but I dont. I ask questions, I want to know whats been going on in their day, why their work is going down hill, what are they doing to help them. Head is very controlling I find too and power hungry. I have "crossed" swords with him a few times because I think as the parent I should have the final say when it comes to my children (that's why they have to ask for permission for so many things) but he doesn't. So if they leave that school they wouldn't go back. My back up school down the road is totally full, no spaces so can't send them there if it all goes wrong. There's not another school near us I wold send them too (well there's one but that school is so full even children who live in the village can't get a space and are sent by taxi to another school)

Just wondering if I can keep one in and take one out, I'm not sure I could cope with the Heads reaction and comments.
 

Diane

HEdups
They are YOUR children. Stuff the head. Who does he think he is? Your children's education is up to you, not the puffed up twit in a school. Do what is best for each of your children. Your children. Not the head's children. Not the government's children.

Diane
 
You can do anything you want to do - 1 in school and 1 out of school if you want - Know what you mean about some parents being content with leaving school to totally educate their children - That's their choice - You have your choice too - Do what you think is best for your children -
 
Hey Diane, We must have been both answering at the same time. You told it much better. 'Stuff the Head' 'Puffed up Twit' - To the point!
 

CJ 71

Member
They are YOUR children. Stuff the head. Who does he think he is? Your children's education is up to you, not the puffed up twit in a school. Do what is best for each of your children. Your children. Not the head's children. Not the government's children.

Diane
I think you must have met him Diane as you have described him perfectly :laugh: You have cheered me up with that comment so thank you.
 

mumto3boys

New member
Hi:decision:

It's a difficult situation to be in, isn't it? I have DS11 HE (since Sept 10 due to being bullied), DS12 struggling at grammar school due to possible Aspergers & probably becoming HE by Easter, and DS10 who loves school for the social side & is adamant he wants to stay (most infuriating, because he is coasting - top at everything, but barely trying)

My gut feeling is that HE would definitely benefit our youngest, but the process of extracting him from his daily fix of mates would probably damage our relationship (in the short term):lol:

On balance we are leaving him at school whilst we sort out our eldest & get him home, happy & settled. Our HE will continue and so will our school run......

It's the balance of best for each particular child & the best for the family as a whole..... I feel this will change over time....

Good luck in your decision. Enjoy your HE (I love it & so does our middle son)


mumto3boys
 

Diane

HEdups
Thanks, guys. Glenn, you are terrific for my ego.

Glad you like the description CJ71. A lot of these people who think they are important tend to be puffed up twits!

Diane
 
Well, Diane, you do say it so well. The point of your sword seems to strike at the heart of the subject matter. Puffed Up Twits, Scum, Not Fit For Nose Droppings, and such straight words are much needed in our curvy lives of many words to describe the sh*t we have to endure! Give us light and laughter in telling the truth to help us along the way.
 

Diane

HEdups
Spare my blushes, chuck. Thank you for being such a loyal and kind supporter. It is much appreciated.

Diane
 
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