Loneliness/ 'belonging'

Hello all!

Can't believe I've never come across this site before :der:
I HE'd my dd (now nearly 7) until she turned 6, we now flexi-school 3 days a week.
The ONLY reason I decided to send her to school at all was because she was really quite lonely HEing (she's an only child) all the HE'ers round here have multiple siblings and although we did go to most of the meet ups and activities, she never eally gelled with any of the other kids.
To be honest, I found it a bit like pulling chicken's teeth trying to forge a friendship with most of them too :madgrin:

I don't know what it is, but I'm sure there's more to life than this....

Ideally I'd like to live somewhere where there are lots of HE'ers, where the children can meet up and play/whatever on a casual basis, I hate to organize things with military precision, we HE very autonomously.......

Am I being realistic? Am I the only person that thinks like this?


Hello Sure,

I must admit my two were quite shy and didn't gell with any home educating kids who attended the few meetings we went to either. The home educated children didn't make any attempts to get to know mine, nor were the adults friendly but I always push myself forward and MAKE people talk to me. That comes from years of practice of being ignored in many areas though. So I totally sympathise with you. I think that some people, myself included, will never be popular or flavour of the month but I've accepted that because I value my personal space and reading more than what I get from most people and it doesn't bother me anymore.

In other words, it doesn't always happen that home ed. meetings are successful for children, but children can struggle to make friends at school too. I believe it's very much a chance thing who you meet and get on with. Perhaps your chick can forge online friendships. Mine did and seem to thrive on the restricted contact.

I think there's also a lot of drivel in the media and t.v. that we have to be surrounded by loads of so-called 'friends' to be happy or even human in this society. But the media often have objectives that are objectionable and t.v. is a bunch of fantasy.

I hope it helps to know that at least one other person has shared your problem.



Well-known member
You both sound lovely, I would speak to you both :)
My daughter probably got on better with her schooled friends, and the home ed friends she liked, we didn't see very often. I know some people have had problems with schooled children being mean to HE children for being different, but we never had that problem, fortunately.
We HE two children 9 and 7, their "best" friends are local schooled children. They do enjoy HE events, but certainly don's see them as the main part of their social life. Our 9 year old hasn't found local HE friends of his age that he really has a close affinity with. He can still enjoy some HE events. They both loved HESFES when we went last year. There was such a variety of people, DS9 was thrilled to find "Home Educators like me!"

We do have other local families who are pretty AE but where we lived previously we did feel different to the other HEers we knew who seemed to see our approach as radical.

Hope that perspective helps a bit.

Hi, Where we are there are a lot of home educators, we have different groups of people in different areas around us and sometimes its the same people going to all of them. I have found that most people are very friendly although there are always going to be some who are not. There are quite a few mums i have become a bit more friendly with and i do find it is good support, we see each other every week or every other week depending on what is going on. I have found it to be much more friendly than school, no-one wanted to speak to anyone at school pick up. My four year old has made some friends with HE kids, my nine yr old son has not yet formed any close friendships with HE kids, he does play with them if there are one or two he knows but won't join a large group of them. His two best friends go to school and he has known them since he was about 6. I think its just a matter of meeting a child who they really get on with and he hasn't done that yet in HE, i know he would like to but is not bothered about trying hard to. I am sure he will do at some point as we seem to meet knew families all the time. I guess it does depend on where you live and we are lucky that there are so many here. The best thing i did for the social side of things was setting up my own group. I got to know the regulars who came much better because it was me organising it and it was every week. I had to stop as it was too expensive but am now starting up again as found a cheaper venue. My kids loved it and the games and activities i did helped them to get to know the other children better as they were group and team games.
I agree with the first post, we found the kids were quite unfriendly, I think in all fairness my daughter having previously been at school saw them very differently and they saw her the same. The adults were just as bad though.
When we decided not to pursue our weekly visits to one ladys house, she was very rude and promptly ended her relationship with us, and all invitations to the many activities stopped, this was due to us having a newborn, bad wintry weather, and her 4 year olds obsession with my then 6 year old DD. I would much rather prefer to meet a couple of nice families on aregular basis than forcing the kids to groups they do not want to attend.


New member
We find this too. My son (11) an only child with dyspraxia and asd had a difficult time at groups and when I asked one of the mums to stop her son being nasty to mine she turned it round on us and accused my son of bullying hers which was not true but as she was in with the local click I was told it would be better if I no longer attended.

It is difficult because most people who home ed know each other. So we decided we would just go bowling once a week.

I posted it on the local group forum that we would be there and invited people to join us. It can be between 2 and 6 families that come along each week now, we all have a good time.

There is no pressure as it is just a flexible meetup but we have become really good friends with 2 of the families who also have boys just a bit older who are also only children.